I am in pain most of the time these days. I have developed a kind of arthritis. First, it caused my right knee to take on fluid. It has kept me from being able to jog or do heavy labor, and sometimes it keeps me up at night. Later, it hit my hands. I have pain in my wrists and in my fingers. Recently, it has started to affect my guitar playing. I have seen doctors about it, and I am currently taking medication to try to reduce the pain. It works for most of the day. Some nights, by the time we get the kids in bed, the medication is loosing it’s effect and the pain comes back. Pain is now a daily part of my life.
I have realized that pain makes me very self absorbed. In conversation with my friend Ed on Sunday, he said of his own pain that it makes him grumpy most of the day. I can relate. It’s been hard to put on a happy face when playing with my daughter is a painful ordeal. The truth is that pain only exposes the sin that’s already in my heart. I am self absorbed to begin with, and the pain is just bringing that sin to the surface. When I am not in pain, I can be self absorbed and friendly at the same time so that my secret idolatry is kept hidden.
Jesus I want to be like you. In the most painful moments of your life, you were compassionate. When any other man would have been pleading for mercy, you were using your last breaths to make arrangements for who would take care of your mother, to reassure the thief about his final destiny, and asking the Father to forgive your oppressors. Jesus, you are the man of sorrows acquainted with grief; make me more like you.
For thoughts on the subject of emotional pain, check out Neil’s blog.

  1. #1 by Heidi Vincent on August 28, 2008 - 11:23 am

    I’m sorry you hurting. 😦 I’m thankful you posted this. I KNOW God’s using your pain because He’s great like that, but I’m still going to pray he takes it away. This post resonates with me cause, I haven’t had one day without pain since that ankle break. If it’s not the ankle it’s the Knee or foot (not sure why). At times, I feel peace about it and others I get made and feel sad that I can’t run anymore. I’m just sick of being sick or sore.
    Man, I wish I was going to the thing this weekend. I miss you guys.

  2. #2 by Sam on September 1, 2008 - 2:46 pm

    Kirk, my short brush with pain has given me a real appreciation for the difference between long term pain and short term pain. I’m not trying to be macho about it, but short term pain is easier to deal with, in my humble opinion. Long term pain, as you mention, can really start to effect your personality and relationships. I will be praying for God’s strength and grace for you…and that He will take away your pain and swelling.

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