The tragic nature of adoption

I hated being at the hospital. All I wanted to do was take the baby home and get on with our lives. In the hospital, we were forced to look that woman in the eye as we took her newborn son in our arms. At first, I wanted to find a place where we could be with the baby that was far away from his birth-mother. I hated to be a participant in her pain. But then it dawned on me that she wanted to see us hold him. She needed to see our love being expressed so that she could know that we would be his family. I accepted the fact that I had to give up my desire to anesthetize this brutal and tragic event. I needed to suck it up and be this little guy’s father there in the room with her. She loved her son so much that she needed to know that at least he would not be alone, even if she didn’t have any hope for herself.

Eventually, we took him home and she suffered for nine days. The papers would have been signed after one day, and she would have been able to put the matter to rest. That was the plan. But instead, nine days passed with no conclusion. She had nine days of the gravity of regret and shame pulling her back toward a decision that was left open. Imagine the strength of will exerted to fight that pull for nine days. I’m amazed that she held out so long before we got that call.

Adoption is not what God intended. It is not an equally valid alternative to God’s created order. Women were not intended to take the baby from their womb and give it away to other family. Mothers were not supposed to be abandoned without any recourse but to become separated forever from their offspring.  Fathers were not supposed to be  a silent shadow in the lives of the children they were given as a blessing. No child was supposed to be born into relationships which would immediately become defined by their brokenness. It’s tragic, brutal and grotesque.

In the same way, Christ on the cross was tragic, brutal and grotesque. This was not the way it should be, that God’s perfect child should be beaten, cursed, and slaughtered. However, like the cross, adoption is the means by which God takes the utterly corrupted reality of an impossible circumstance and reverses the outcome into something utterly beautiful and sacred.

Adoption is resurrection.


  1. #1 by Rinnie on June 5, 2012 - 2:15 pm

    A very profound post, Kirk. We are mourning with you as you mourn the loss of your son, even though it means the gaining back of her son.

  2. #2 by ahumblevessel on June 5, 2012 - 2:24 pm

    Grieving for you and Sarah and the rest of the family! Lord I pray that you would envelope the Ward family now as they said goodbye after a brief hello. Heal their hearts and prepare them again if that is Your will. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

    • #3 by Kirk Ward on June 5, 2012 - 2:26 pm

      thank you for your prayer

      • #4 by ahumblevessel on June 5, 2012 - 2:28 pm

        Please hug Sarah for me. We were missinaries in Africa when she was there. We have adopted 3 children and it is a hard process.

  3. #5 by neweyes2 on June 5, 2012 - 5:01 pm

    You have always had amazing ways of communicating your thoughts and feelings, little brother. I appreciate once again, the struggle you have gone through, and I thank God that you have the wisdom to embrace how life changing this event is. For you, Sarah, all the kids, and the birth parents. Thank you for being so brave with your heart.

  4. #6 by Skip Gienapp on June 12, 2012 - 2:44 pm

    Thanks for your witness brother. Peace of the Lord to you.

  5. #7 by Dad on July 1, 2012 - 2:21 pm

    Our Prayers are with you. Thanks for the update.

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