Last night, I was getting our federal and state taxes done. As an employee of NCF, I don’t make a ton of money. I’m not boasting about that; I’m just sharing to let you know that I usually expect a refund after taxes. However, the outlook is not pretty this year. It looks like we will have to pay a chunk to the tax man this year.
Doing the taxes was a process of reviewing the year of 2012 for my family. It was a sad reminder of some of the trials that we have had to go through. There were the medical bills from my son having his finger amputated. There were 3 trips that we made to attend the funerals of our grandparents. There was all the extra income that my wife and I earned which basically all went toward an adoption that failed (by the way, you don’t get to take the adoption tax credit for an adoption that never happened.)
Needless to say, I went to bed last night a little angry with God. In my anger, I was asking questions like, “why do we have to pay taxes out the nose when we’re down here doing the work you called us to?” “Paying taxes on income that was lost on a failed adoption – why don’t you give me a nice paper-cut and pour lemon juice on it?” “When do we get a break, God?”
At the same time, I have these songs stuck in my head. I’m listening to a lot of new music that I’m planning to introduce in the next few months. I’m really excited about these songs, and I’ve had some of them on repeat in the office all day. So, last night, the songs keep floating up to the surface of my thoughts as I’m trying to be mad at God. One song, that we are going to sing this Sunday, is a Brenton Brown/Andi Rozier tune called “Word of God”.
Jesus, faithful Word of God
The anchor of my heart
You’re everything You say You are, Lord
Greater than my deepest needs
The ground beneath my feet
Your promises won’t fail me now
The line “Greater than my deepest need” started to work on my bitterness. Is this what I really believe? Can the Lord Jesus meet us in the places of our deepest need? When the reality of our lack of money smacks us in the face, can the Lord Jesus be greater to me than my deepest need. I can testify that the Word of God, communicated through these songs was “the anchor of my heart” when my trials, the storms of fear and weakness, threatened to dash my hopes against the rocks. The old Ben Franklin quote “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes” is a lie. The Word of God is the only firm foundation. His promises stand forever, and they will never fail us.